To scrap it or to scrap it...

Whether to scrap it or to scrap it... as in whether to do a scrapbook page about our first week at the gym with the personal trainer or scrap it as in forget the first week and do a layout about it later once we have had more progress...

I tend to think that I should do a layout now about it to remind us later of where we began as it can only get better from here, right?! however, I am not sure that I would want to share the full and ugly truth about where we are starting out number-wise as they are pretty frightening. So to do a layout or not? share all the numbers or just a few? and then if I do, to share it or not?

I am getting better at facing myself and stating the facts, sharing my photos of myself, etc but am I really ready to get that "real" in public? I am not sure I am but at the same time, I think it would be good for myself to get that "real" with myself and what better way to face it than to just put it out there.

I am who I am and I am beginning to lose that bit of "Canadianism" of saying sorry... and now saying take me as I am. I am flawed but I think I also have a lot to give if you can take me in whole. At times I think that what I was brought up with in terms of the "Canadianism" of saying sorry and trying to please people and state things nicely comes across as not being "real" down here. It is understood as a way of communication in Canada but down here, it gets misconstrued sometimes... so I am trying harder to still keep the niceness but also get more "real" and people can take me as I am or not.

So my weight, my personality, my photos... it all comes down to how "real" am I ready to get with myself and with others? how secure am I with who I am to say "here I am, accept me or not, it's your gain or loss"... this journey is a physical one but with that, there are a lot of emotions that need to get worked out as well... I am ready for the physical journey... the emotional one I need to take as well but it is harder for me to work on... and maybe sharing it through my scrapping is the way I need to take the first steps...